When the world is falling apart around you and you lose hope in people, things get dark. People, mind you, are the one thing I believe in. They are the light in the dark, the backbone of community, and are sure to protect each other when presented with challenges. But when my company chose to ignore the sexual assault of my coworkers and good friends, in the midst of an already tumultuous climate for woman in America, any naivety that remained in me was lost and I needed to move to France.
I began working for Siteimprove on January 4th—the New Year. I considered it a blessing, after being out of work for five months. They were named one of Minneapolis’ best places to work by several magazines. Coming from a true start up company with ping-pong daily and beer drinking welcome, it was no progressive workplace. But the people were nice, and the amenities plenty and free.
It didn’t take long to realize that the amenities are the talk and not the action, the real trompe-l’œil, if you will. The work was good. As their new graphic designer coming on to help an overworked Multimedia manager, I had plenty to do and learned quite a lot in a short time. There continued to be more to learn, and with my manager leaving 4 months into my arrival, responsibility continued to open up. It’s a shame that I could only handle another 6 months before I had to get out. If I were alone in holding these opinions, sure, I could keep them to myself. The problem, however, is that I am not entirely alone, and that of the seven people I started working with, only two remain.
In some order of consequence, I’ll begin to unfold what made it apparent that this place was not for me, and frankly shouldn’t be for anyone. The donuts came free on Fridays, but the ping-pong tables and fridge full of beer were just teasers. The first sign that we couldn’t be treated like adults—they were available at the late late hour of 4:00 on Fridays. And were usually enjoyed just long enough for everyone to chug one or two and get in their cars to enjoy the weekend. Smart. Then, there was the ongoing destructive competition between the global offices. Siteimprove is headquartered in Copenhagen, but the U.S. held the largest office and most of the marketing operations, which was my department. Each meeting led by my manager soon became an amusing series of events. Someone I was once excited to share my ideas with soon became the leader of the join-the-club party. When we brought up new ideas, the response was always, “yeah, wouldn’t that be nice” and the blame was always placed on another of our many global offices. I once found myself in a meeting laughing aloud at how blatant the UK manager was in regards to the workload of a certain promotion. Not only that, but new processes and tasks were often brought up with no details or answers. It was very much a let’s-try-and-be-great (!) attitude with someone who really didn’t understand the work behind it. Granted, she tried hard to build morale but trust me, there’s nothing you can do to raise a team from the trenches of Siteimprove.
The first real red flag came when my boss left. Actually, a month prior when my co-worker was looking for her first raise and review, after a year with the company. I’m paraphrasing here, but it went something like this… “Oh, reviews, we don’t do reviews”. A week later, which I assume was filled with panicked meetings that there was actually a career-minded adult working for them… “Oh, reviews, we did those company wide last month, you lost your chance”. Ha. Ha. So I went into my manager’s office when my boss left, armed with all the gossip of my colleagues, and asked for his position. The response was no, the position probably wasn’t even going to exist. Not to mention, we were hiring a new CMO soon, so I was told that I probably wouldn’t get what I was asking for and it would be best if we wait. Not sure where the ‘we’ came in here, but ok. No answers, a lot of excuses, and no timeline. So I wait and ask again. “I’m doing his job,” I reason. “What? Why do you think you’re doing his job, you couldn’t possibly.” The surprise reaction was to ensure that I didn’t think I deserved his wage or his title. Yet, I was doing his job because I was actually doing his job. The affect was again non-existent and I was told to wait.
So time went on and I continued to be more and more unhappy, in unison with the entire team. We’re learning that this place is a hellhole for anyone who cares about their career and their future. Then, something happened. Half of my team was sent to Copenhagen for work. The damage that splitting the team (with already rock-bottom morale) might have was obviously lost on the company, but that’s a moot point. The damage was done when the same overseas employee assaulted a number of our female coworkers. He was better known to the company as a recently-promoted irreplaceable cog in the machine. Not that this means anything to a person with a conscience, but to a company with a bottom line, it meant he was excused. Yeah, I’ll get to that.
When your colleagues come home from what should have been an incredible trip and aren’t talking, you know something’s wrong. “Don’t worry, you didn’t want to be there,” one of them tells me. Oh, ok. What the hell? Nothing else is uttered at work. The weeks unfold and in various outings with my friends, it comes out that they were continually harassed and physically sexually assaulted during the trip. What the hell?
Was it reported? Yes. It was reported to the manager during the trip. Apparently, there are people who think that Europe is excused from sexual harassment. It was also reported to HR, but she, quote, needed all the women to come forward. What the hell? For the record, the others didn’t come forward. And when I said earlier I lost my remaining naivety, this was it. I’ve never actually watched it unfold with my own two eyes. I’ve never actually understood how a company could ignore sexual assault, or how someone could feel hurt enough to hold it in. But when some of the strongest women I’ve known are scared to take action out of fear, I was no longer naïve to this reality.
Now, let me set the scene for my feelings that became my reaction to the company’s decision. It was late August, and Donald Trump was the only thing on the news. And because this political parade of the insane was happening around us, it heightened all tensions, especially including race and of course, gender equality. Audio of Trump on the Access Hollywood bus in 2005 gets released in which he boasts his apparent reality that “You can do anything [with women]. Grab them by the pussy.” And in response to this, novelist Kelly Oxford calls for women to share their first sexual assault story on Twitter. The responses came in the hundreds of thousands, at more than 50 posts per minute for the next 12+ hours. Reading only a handful of them is enough to make anyone vomit. Yet, when I share these articles with my reasonable and like-minded friends, I still get the response that this happens. That this isn’t terribly shocking. Or the one that brought me to tears… “Who knows if the stories are even true?” Now, not only am I wise to the world’s terrible realities, but I’m outraged. Then Susan Fowler, former Uber employee publishes a post on the workplace climate much like I’ve described of my former company. And in the comments, people use language like, ‘I thought Uber was a cool company’ or ‘I wanted to work there, but now I don’t.’ As if the entire point of the article were a review of the company or as if this doesn’t happen every day, at nearly every company, to nearly every woman in their lives. Now I’m not just outraged, but I’m losing faith in that one thing I believed in.
—
Time and time passes, and I’m no doubt planning my escape. Shamefully, I admit that while planning my meeting with HR, I myself was worried about being pushed out of my job. So I waited until I had an offer to schedule a meeting. “I need to report what I know about a sexual harassment incident and the affects I’ve observed. I know it’s already been reported, and I know most of the details, because I’m very close with the people involved. But I think you need to know the consequences this has had on my team.” Ok. Nothing. The pen and paper remained untouched on the table in front of me the entire meeting, during which she repeated the question “Did something happen to you?” What the hell? Maybe if the company had scheduled workplace harassment training, the HR manager would know that it’s as important to speak up for others as it is you, and that anyone who does so should be taken seriously. They didn’t schedule that training.
I remained helpless and ignored. She suggested I set a meeting with the CEO, given that they absolutely don’t tolerate harassment, and he would be happy to tell me himself. In the meantime, I gave my two weeks notice, and in my last week, I set a time with her and the CEO.
He was happy to tell me himself. Again and again and again with a stone cold stature he repeated that they absolutely take sexual harassment seriously and he can’t give me any details on the incident or consequences, but he could assure me it was taken care of. Leaving out specific dialogue about the incident, the back and forth went something like this, myself first.
We have a zero tolerance policy for sexual harassment.
Yes, I can assure you it has been taken care of.
Do you have any idea how many employees you could be losing just to keep this one asshole?
Silence
Do you think the women that you ignored when you chose to continue employing this man are happy here?
I think when trust is broken it always takes time to rebuild.
Ok, so you understand they’re not happy?
Silence.
It continues…
How have you taken care of this?
I’ve already said, I can’t give you any details.
Are you going to stop serving unlimited alcoholic beverages at company events? Is he forbidden from attending future company events? Has he been sent to counseling, or have you scheduled workplace harassment training? Do you have safety measures put in place for when you send the entire college-aged office to Europe for a 3-day long party?
I can assure you, it’s been taken care of.
Because I can see, with my own eyes, that many of these things haven’t and won’t happen. Starting with the fact that this man is exempt from the zero tolerance policy and is rewarded with keeping his job. Not only keeping his job, but being reprimanded, and keeping his job. Which means he is now armed with the power to do this again and know he can handle the consequences.
Silence.
It’s bad enough that women have to put up with harassment outside of work. How is it you don’t think women deserve to feel safe from this behavior at work?
I know it’s terrible, right? Go vote tomorrow. (Presidential elections were the following day)
Go vote tomorrow? You did this. You are a part of the reason a number of women now feel unsafe, degraded, and devalued at this company. If you didn’t make this decision, then you were at least a part of the conversations with the person who did. You need to start blaming yourself. Go vote tomorrow. Ha. You are a part of what makes this world so difficult to live in. I’ve lost a large part of my faith in humanity thanks to yourself and this company.
Silence
Silence
So, you’re moving to France? That’s cool! What made you decide that?
People like you.
Oh.
Yeah.
There it is. I lasted 11 months at a job which, in all reality, was eight months too long. I made some incredible friends and met some of the most professional people I’ve worked with. But there’s nothing worth the cost of being undervalued. There’s nothing worth knowing that the people you work for might literally throw you under a bus (or a man) for a small profit. And nothing is worth the cost of giving your blood sweat and tears to a company that wouldn’t give you theirs. We’ve all told ourselves not to waste time somewhere we’re unhappy, and some of you reading might think this is a privileged opinion. Me, I’ve told myself not to spend time with people I don’t care for or on causes I don’t believe in. If this experience has taught me anything, it’s that if you do, the bad people in the world suck energy out of the good people in the world by keeping your positive influence and valuable time. No more. No thank you.
Read more stories in my post here.